Private intelligence sources have revealed a rather startling turn of events emanating out of North Korea, since the CIA and the DIA don't have a clue about what's going on in the Hermit Kingdom.
High resolution photography from a dedicated private intelligence satellite reveals that North Korea has secretly launched a naval carrier strike force headed directly toward the Hawaiian Islands. The carrier flotilla is being lead by none other than that great renowned military strategist and Commander in Chief of all North Korean military forces, Lil' Kim Jong Un, otherwise known as the Supreme Admiral of the North Korean Navy and the 'Good Ship Lollypop', his flag ship.
Intercepted cell phone communications indicate a landing is to be made on Waikiki Beach in an early evening surprise invasion of the Hilton Hawaiian Village. The landing will be coordinated to coincide with a Lindsay Lohan luau party celebrating her latest triumph in making the American criminal justice system look like a bunch of retarded monkeys. Lohan's public relations firm would neither confirm nor deny her presence in Honolulu, but TMZ is reporting seeing a drunken broad resembling Lohan in one of the Village bars, which gives credence to the whole scenario.
Hookers and liquor salesmen are reported to be preparing for increased sales opportunities and have hired every white blonde hooker in the islands to be available to greet the Chosen One upon his landing on Waikiki Beach, since he is known to favor white blonde hookers over the malnourished street hookers he is used to picking up in old Pyongyang late at night after hours of viewing American porn featuring a stable of stars from California's porn industry
Stay closely tuned to CP for further details and, where possible, photographs of the landing invasion and the following party. The governor of Hawaii estimates that the invasion will have a net affect upon the Hawaiian economy somewhere in the neighborhood of $100 million dollars, if the invasion party lasts more than just a few days and should reduce unemployment in the islands to below the American unemployment average.
President Obama is reported to be preparing a campaign appearance using the invasion as a backdrop to raise funds for one of his many anti-gun PAC's. Obama and his teleprompter will encourage voters to contact their elected representatives to insist they pass his proposed gun grab to save the children of America. The MSM is said to be preparing for wall to wall coverage of Obama's campaign and fund raising dinner at $25,000 per plate, although they will have to man the red carpet, since they are actively hesitating at popping for the $25,000 'voluntary donation' at the door.
Chris Matthews is reported to be experiencing the tingling of all tingling running up his leg since MSNBC announced he will be the principal anchor for MSNBC's news reporting of the North Korean Spring invasion to be done in a variety of pastel colored uniforms to illustrate that the Chosen One does, indeed, have style.
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