Capitalist Preservation: A Few Thoughts About St Patrick's Day

The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

Three leprechauns were standing in front of the Guinness Book of World Record Office in London. The first leprechaun said he was going to go inside to have them check his hands out as he believed he had the smallest hands in the world. A few minutes later he emerged with a large smile on his face and advised his two friends that he truly had the smallest hands in the world and would be in the book next year.

The second leprechaun, feeling challenged, said he was going to go into the office and have his feet checked as he believed he had the smallest feet in the world. A few minutes later he emerged, also smiling and claimed he would also be in the book next year.

Not to be outdone, the third leprechaun declared that he had the smallest penis in the world and he too entered the building. Approximately ten minutes later the third leprechaun exited with a sad look on his face and asked his two friends:

“Who the hell is Barak Obama?”

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Kiss Me I'm Irish

Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

Dennis Day

Clancy Lowered The Boom

Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.

Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?

Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.

Duffy's Tavern - Audition Show

"Looking For An Irish Tenor"

Original Air date: June 29, 1940

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

The Irish Rovers

"The Unicorn Song"

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them....they decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School.

So they went to the nearest church. Only the custodian was there. One said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?"

So he took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl one at a time. He said, "Now go out and play."

When they got outside, dripping wet, the oldest one asked, "What religion do you think we are? We're not Katlick, because they pour the water." " We're not Babdist because they dunk all of you." "We're not Methdiss because they just sprinkle you." The littlest one said, "Can't you tell by the smell of that baptismal water what we are?.......Why, we're Pisscopalians."

Bing Crosby Chesterfield Show - St. Patricks Day - With Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall.

Original Air date: March 12, 1952