Redheads on Endangered List Due to Global Warming - Blondes & Brunettes Rejoice

4th Grade

by Elizabeth Nelson

Wow, we've heard Obama blame his failed economic policies and our shrinking economy on "climatechange" and "bad weather" but have you heard that they've put us redheads on the endangered species list, right next to Polar Bears? Man, we can't make this stuff up.   This is all the funnier, because I wasn't born in either Scotland or Ireland, keep that in mind as you read this. A DNA "expert," obviously a Global Warming Zealot, has made a bold claim that the "ginger gene could die out" and become a phenomenon only seen in pictures, "if Scotland gets any sunnier."

And, wouldn’t you know it, now scientists are claiming that redheads may be wiped out in Scotland as the northern third of the island of Great Britain becomes sunnier as a result of climate change.

Jr High

The theory goes that red hair is an evolutionary response among human beings to a lack of sunlight, explains the Daily Record, a Glasgow rag. Red hair allows people who have it to obtain high levels of vitamin D from the sun in places where it doesn’t shine much.

“We think red hair in Scotland, Ireland and the north of England is adaptation to the climate,” said Alistair Moffat, who heads Scotlands DNA, a genetic testing company. “We do not get enough sun and have to get all the vitamin D we can.” Moffat added that fewer clouds and more sun would mean “fewer people carrying the gene,” according to the Daily Record.

Wait, what about us gingers that are born and reproduce outside of Scotland, Ireland and north England? I guess we don't count?

High School - Sr year

Moffat did not say what would compel redheads to stop having babies, or what would make them stop passing ginger genes to their children — though it probably has something to do with global warming, too. Another scientist, who didn’t want to be identified, also chimed in.

“I think the gene is slowly dying out,” the second expert told the Record. “Climate change could see a decline in the number of people with red hair in Scotland.”

I think these guys are total idiots, but who am I, I'm just a ginger that was born in the Sunny State of California - in the United States - alongside my brother, who is also a ginger.  I happen to have given birth to a ginger child, in the sunny State of Memphis, TN, so he has the potential to also have the ginger gene. Oops, I guess us Redheads are also resilient and can be "reproduced" in other parts of the world and, like my parents and grandparents before them, we don't need to go to Scotland or Ireland to pop out ginger kids.

The global population of redheads is low — maybe one or two percent. In Scotland, however, the percentage is estimated to be around 13 percent. That’s 650,000 people. Read more Dailycaller: 

All Grown up

So, will we Gingers "die out" or fade away as our ginger gene is selectively bred out, like a prize winning race horse, because we didn't choose to mate with another redhead and our children couldn't or chose not to have red headed children of their own?

Straight  or curly hair, long or short, this asinine "theory" absolutely slays me.  As a ginger, I've watched my blonde friends wish they had brunette hair and my brunette friends wish they had blonde or red hair. Ironically, us redheads never wish we had anything but red, because it's who we are, we're feisty, fun, strong and rare. We understand and embrace the difference, in that not only are we a rare find, but only 1% to 2% of the world's population has (natural) red hair. 

"Gentlemen may prefer blondes, but it takes a man to handle a redhead."