In light of a new book by Ezekiel Emanuel that portray's his brother as 'tiny', Rahm 'Creepy Ballerina' Emanuel's new theme song could be: ♬ Hold me closer, 'tiny' dancer... ♩
He’s brash, confident and successful, so you might not feel that bad for Rahm Emanuel, but the Chicago mayor comes out as downright sympathetic in a memoir by Rahm’s brother, Ezekiel.
In “Brothers Emanuel,” out Tuesday, Rahm gets frequently portrayed as weak or awkward. A sampling:
“I had mixed feelings about Rahm’s arrival. … The Hebrew word for a kid with this look is shovav, which means ‘little devil,’ and Rahm was a shovav. … Back then I thought of him as kind of a blob, too slow to keep up with a hyperactive, hyperverbal kid like me.”
“Schoolboys used size and muscle to establish a pecking order, which inevitably put Rahm at a disadvantage,” Ezekiel writes, adding later, Rahm “was so tiny in junior high school that he participated in trials for a growth-promoting drug.”
Beep, beep...back the illegal steroid truck up. So he wasn't quite up to 'pecking' standards because of his 'tiny' size, huh? Hey, there's an Android app for that...not that the tiny thingy is exclusively what his bro was talking about but it doesn't hurt to cover your bases.
There’s a new app on the Android market that claims it can predict a man’s penis size based on personal stats like age, height, finger length, and butt size, which are all the traits science has historically told us are completely unrelated to penis size.
The Predicktor—developed by Dr. Chris Culligan MD, the same family physician that sells $3 apps for predicting depression and alcohol abuse—was created to help educate men and women suffering from penis-related insecurity, anxiety or dissatisfaction by educating them on the myths and facts about penis size around the globe.
“Rahm’s use of swearwords began in earnest when he was twelve or thirteen. My mother would chastise him, but so inconsistently that it never had much effect. By the time he was in high school, he was fluent in both English and Yiddish cursing and could have held his own in the navy or at a construction site.”
Der creepy ballerina iz gornisht mernisht a screwup. Chicagoland iz atsind akh grub fun khurve un gvald unter zayn komande. The Yiddish translator kind of changes the meaning a little bit but I think you'll get the drift.
More like downright pathetic. And I don't feel anything for Rahm but disgust and creepiness.
“I had mixed feelings about Rahm’s arrival. … The Hebrew word for a kid with this look is shovav, which means ‘little devil,’ and Rahm was a shovav. … Back then I thought of him as kind of a blob, too slow to keep up with a hyperactive, hyperverbal kid like me.”
'Little devil' - NAILED IT.
Life at home could be perilous for the Emanuel brothers and that was true even as babies. Ezekiel describes when their mother Marsha put an infant Rahm on a bed and “surrounded him with pillows to make him secure before leaving the room. It took us only a few seconds before we decided to climb back up on the bed and invent a new game that might have been called ‘Bounce the Baby.’”
Well, that explains quite a bit...he was bounced onto his head one two many times.
Life at home could be perilous for the Emanuel brothers and that was true even as babies. Ezekiel describes when their mother Marsha put an infant Rahm on a bed and “surrounded him with pillows to make him secure before leaving the room. It took us only a few seconds before we decided to climb back up on the bed and invent a new game that might have been called ‘Bounce the Baby.’”
Well, that explains quite a bit...he was bounced onto his head one two many times.
“Schoolboys used size and muscle to establish a pecking order, which inevitably put Rahm at a disadvantage,” Ezekiel writes, adding later, Rahm “was so tiny in junior high school that he participated in trials for a growth-promoting drug.”
The Predicktor—developed by Dr. Chris Culligan MD, the same family physician that sells $3 apps for predicting depression and alcohol abuse—was created to help educate men and women suffering from penis-related insecurity, anxiety or dissatisfaction by educating them on the myths and facts about penis size around the globe.
So not only was Rahm tiny but he also has that thing with cutting off his middle finger, which would also hinder his ability to predict what his manhood would be like by using the finger test. He just had it rough all the way around. But instead of being able to flip people off, he just spewed expletives that would make a sailor blush.
Der creepy ballerina iz gornisht mernisht a screwup. Chicagoland iz atsind akh grub fun khurve un gvald unter zayn komande. The Yiddish translator kind of changes the meaning a little bit but I think you'll get the drift.
